How to navigate therapy at home
Incorporating therapy as part of our lifestyle can be challenging, particularly if we are the first person in our family to go to therapy or choosing to break cycles of trauma within our community, with friends or with a partner. Therapy has several benefits, with different modalities to suit individual needs within the therapeutic space. However, outside of the therapy room, we also need support and connection to thrive and put the work into practice. If we live in unsupportive home environments where the trauma is still occurring as part of the family or with a partner or in friendship groups, this can hinder our healing process and leave us feeling stuck, triggered or discouraged. Here are a few ways we can navigate therapy at home:
Set boundaries
If we are the only person in our household to attend therapy, it can sometimes be a lonely process. If we grew up in an immigrant household, we may have been taught that what is said in the family, stays within the family or not to air ‘our dirty laundry’ or ‘share family secrets with a stranger’. This can cause tension between the person attending therapy and family members, particularly as cycle breakers we gain more self-awareness and begin to notice patterns that no longer fit in with our belief systems. This can include anything from dysfunctional relationships to abusive behaviour. During this process, it is important to listen to our intuition and honour our needs through boundaries. As we change, heal and grow, so do our needs and this can alter the way we communicate with others. It is important to speak up via a conversation or step away if feeling triggered and unsafe. If we have grown up in co-dependent households, we have learned to put others' needs before our own, giving up our time, financial resources or our mental or emotional energy. Yet, for every ‘no’ we give, another ‘yes’ is freed.
Seek support
If we cannot receive support from inside the home, sometimes it is better to seek it from the outside. This is especially the case for those of us with responsibilities, such as carers and parents who live with vulnerable family members. This support can come from group settings, talking to a friend over the phone or seeking support groups whether online in person. Healing comes in community, and by building connections around therapy, we develop coping mechanisms to reach out to as we process and recover. Sometimes it is a great reminder that although we can feel alone, many of us are dealing with the same issues at different points in our lives, and so asking for help from others may be the solution to remind us that others have been through similar experiences too.
Lean on resources
Most of the learning and practice takes place outside of the therapy room and at home. As an internal process of self-awareness and self-reflection, therapy is a constant tug of war between learning and unlearning. When there is a lack of support from loved ones, we can sometimes learn to trust the process and feel validated by others through resources. This can be in the form of books, podcasts, art, events, poetry, music or even by curating our own social media feeds. There are plenty of learning opportunities in transferrable forms that deal with a variety of topics such as: depression, anxiety, grief, motherhood, the experiences of eldest daughters or growing up as children of immigrant parents. In consuming these resources, we are reminded that it is acceptable to be universally human in all of our intersectionalities, struggles and experiences.
Step away
Sometimes we need a break and take time to do something that nourishes us away from our home environments and therapy, as a reminder of who we are outside these spaces and as a form of self-care. This can be travelling to a new destination, a walk in nature or trying a new type of food in a restaurant or café. These experiences help our minds and bodies by giving us a chance to rest, relax and recharge, while building resilience.
Self-compassion
It is key to remember that through therapy we are doing intergenerational work and that takes courage; it has taken centuries of trauma to build into our bodies, our behaviours and thought but slowly and gently we are unravelling and breaking these cycles starting with our personal work which will impact our future generations. Through self-compassion and kindness, we can cultivate that change takes strength and time, that through resilience we learn what our ancestors wanted us to know, and through stories we build connections with our past, present and future. This internal work can be hard yet rewarding, but through this knowledge we know that trying our best is more than enough.
